Joke of the Day...

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11 years 3 months ago #29002 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic laugh of the day
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :funnypost:

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11 years 2 months ago #29171 by mardad
Replied by mardad on topic German Rancher
Subject: German Rancher



SPEAKING GERMAN IN TEXAS


In Texas, there is a town named New Braunfels, where there is a large
German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using
his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink
das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."

(Translated: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have
pooped in it.")


The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning
for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in
English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
The following user(s) said Thank You: jtallen83, pookybear308

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11 years 2 months ago #29172 by 10before15
Replied by 10before15 on topic Joke of the Day...
:laugh: :clap: :thumbs: :thumbs:

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11 years 2 months ago #29173 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic Joke of the Day...
You sure the original joke didn't have "Ol' Cowboy" instead of the word "Rancher"? ( With all due respect).

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11 years 2 months ago #29389 by 13fcolt
Replied by 13fcolt on topic Joke of the Day...
Just got this emailed in. I lol'ed.

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."

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11 years 2 months ago #29431 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...

13fcolt wrote: Just got this emailed in. I lol'ed.

A fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth.
However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and took little Justin aside. "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in front of the other kids."


:rotfl: :I-agree: :funnypost: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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11 years 2 months ago #29432 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
My Son works for the Municipality of Anchorage, as one of the crew members running one of the generator plants.
Here is a message that He sent to Me.

"They took a video of me putting a boiler online. Let me know if it doesn't work."



I replied back, "Is there anything left of Anchorage???" :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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11 years 2 months ago #29436 by faawrenchbndr
Replied by faawrenchbndr on topic Joke of the Day...
The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it.
The Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it.
The Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception.
The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
The Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness.
The Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
The Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward.
The Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas.
Those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington .
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11 years 2 months ago #29448 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic Joke of the Day...
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton

One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic: Cost - $29.99
Clinton: Cost - $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica is forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica... Ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.
The following user(s) said Thank You: 10before15

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11 years 2 months ago #29509 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic Joke of the Day...
IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG:
PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT OUR DOG!
YES, HE MAULED SIX PEOPLE WEARING OBAMA T-SHIRTS,
FOUR PEOPLE WEARING PELOSI T-SHIRTS,
NINE TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR CRACK,
THREE FLAG BURNERS,
AND A PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.
FOR THE LAST TIME...
THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!

NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH!

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