Joke of the Day...

More
11 years 7 months ago #35864 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
Thank You for the laughs, it helps the day to pass a mighty bit more merrier.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 7 months ago #36718 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic Joke of the day.
One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home.. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice." "Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride? She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes.

"You've built a Harley?”
:whistle:
The following user(s) said Thank You: mlotziii, RickinMo

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 7 months ago #36747 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Joke of the day.
Hopefully this was not anyone around here...
This image is hidden for guests.
Please log in or register to see it.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 7 months ago #36749 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic Joke of the Day...
He moved out of the country. Reportedly he is in Austria singing Soprano for the Vienna Boys Choir.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 7 months ago #36820 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Joke of the Day...
Oh, the creative things that come to mind.....
This image is hidden for guests.
Please log in or register to see it.


I'd love to have one that showed some RPG's, crates of AR-10's and an M134 minigun on a tripod

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 6 months ago #37284 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Joke of the Day...

In the world of hi-tech gadgetry, I've noticed that more and more
people who send text messages and emails have long forgotten the art of capital letters.

For those of you who fall into this category, please take note of
the following statement:

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack
off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

Is everybody clear on that?

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 6 months ago #37660 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the day.

mlotziii wrote: Hopefully this was not anyone around here...

This image is hidden for guests.
Please log in or register to see it.


Fortunately, this will guarantee he won't reproduce!!

The jean-pool ends here!!

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 6 months ago #37674 by silver78
Replied by silver78 on topic Joke of the Day...
Why don't Rednecks have zippers on their pants?

So they can sneak up on the sheep without scaring them away.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 6 months ago #37675 by jtallen83
Replied by jtallen83 on topic Joke of the Day...

silver78 wrote: Why don't Rednecks have zippers on their pants?

So they can sneak up on the sheep without scaring them away.


Come on now.... every redneck knows how to train his sheep to hold still, don't we??????? :dance:

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.

More
11 years 6 months ago #37678 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
Hay, Do`nt be fur stirring up them lying li`l tramps.

Please Log in or Create an account to join the conversation.