Joke of the Day...

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11 years 4 months ago #27958 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic Joke of the Day...
The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited..
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she
said proudly,
"My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that
approach for my obvious success."

"Very good", said the teacher.

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current
events."
"Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box
full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher,

"How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much
money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up
a Dip & Chip
stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."
They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then
I would say,
"It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama
method
of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling
you it's free and
then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.
Bless his heart.
The following user(s) said Thank You: mlotziii, 10before15

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11 years 4 months ago #28066 by mardad
Replied by mardad on topic Joke of the Day...
A gas station owner in Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read,


"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother,
"I think that game is rigged, and he don't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't rigged Billy Ray,
My wife won twice last week."
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11 years 3 months ago #28131 by mardad
Replied by mardad on topic Joke of the Day...
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an
amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the
mother's labor pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were willing to try it out. Both said they were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the
doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home they found the UPS man dead on the porch.
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11 years 3 months ago #28155 by Dabu
Replied by Dabu on topic Joke of the Day...
:ohmy: :rotfl:

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11 years 3 months ago #28434 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic Heavily armed Marine
A Marine squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist who was badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported,

"I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved. And he yelled back that Barack Obama is a lying, good-for-nothing, left wing Commie who isn't even an American. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited woman! He retaliated by yelling, ‘Oh yeah? Well, so does Nancy Pelosi!’ And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.”
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11 years 3 months ago #28446 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Heavily armed Marine
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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11 years 3 months ago #28462 by Sharkey
Replied by Sharkey on topic Heavily armed Marine
Let's not start anymore threads with jokes guys. There is a joke thread for these.

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11 years 3 months ago #28513 by mardad
Replied by mardad on topic Joke of the Day...
Jim asked Paul ...

"Do you remember that stuff

They used to put in our coffee

During the war,

To make us forget about women?"



Paul replied "I think you mean salt peter.”

Jim..."Yep, that's the stuff...

I think it's beginning to work!"

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11 years 3 months ago #28678 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Joke of the Day...
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Talk about friggin' Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder... I recently came back from a tour of duty in Afghanistan.

Having not seen my wife for several months, I was looking forward to a night of hot passionate sex with her.

Unfortunately she came out of the shower with a towel wrapped round her head, and I shot her. :pinch:

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11 years 3 months ago #29001 by mardad
Replied by mardad on topic laugh of the day
THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:

'Good trade.....'

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