Joke of the Day...

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10 years 7 months ago #37679 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
Why the sheep herder fell over the cliff ????????????????
:cowboy:
:censored:
:banghead:
:mad:
:pinch:
:whistle:
:nicethread:
:rolleyes:
:dual:
:whip:
:wave:
:drool:
He did`nt see the ewe turn.
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10 years 7 months ago #38518 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic Joke of the Day...
The Cowboy

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She
was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she
decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand.

He returned around two thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra."
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties."
By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said,

"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"
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10 years 7 months ago #38523 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
:blink: :S :whip: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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10 years 7 months ago - 10 years 7 months ago #38531 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the Day...
Now I didn't see that one coming!! :ohmy: :blink: :woohoo: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Last edit: 10 years 7 months ago by NightForce.

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10 years 7 months ago #38532 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the Day...

MrMarty51 wrote: Why the sheep herder fell over the cliff ????????????????

He didn't see the ewe turn.


BAD, BAD, BAD !! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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10 years 7 months ago #38563 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
There used to be a lot of sheep around Miles City, so, there are a few jokes floating around.

This sheep herder, the bank repossessed His band of sheep.
All discouraged and such, He thought He would move to New York and become a cab driver.
And so, the story goes that He made the move and done an apprenticeship for a while, passed all of the tests and such and bought His own cab and is doing very well at it.
Well, one day He is at the airport and a client climbs into the cab and gives the man the name of a motel and the address and so the new cabbie takes off in a great rush to get the client there in record time so that He can get back to the airport to pick up another client.
The cabbie is clipping right along, squeeling tires from the stop signs and traffic lights, smoking tires going around the corners and is speeding along when all of a sudden the guy in the back seat hollers, "Hey Mister, You missed My motel back there, can You make a U-Turn???"
The cabbie, He sort of half cocks back so He`s sort of looking to the back of the cab and exclaims " I ca`nt make a ewe turn but I can sure make their eyes water".

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10 years 7 months ago #38663 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the Day...
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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10 years 7 months ago #38698 by MrMarty51
Replied by MrMarty51 on topic Joke of the Day...
A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.

The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."

She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."

The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."

She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."

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10 years 6 months ago #38721 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the Day...
:funnypost: BLAHHHHHHAAHHAHHHAAAA :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

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10 years 6 months ago #38766 by NightForce
Replied by NightForce on topic Joke of the Day...
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: 38
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: 45 years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children correct?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

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