Joke of the Day...

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13 years 3 weeks ago #9320 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Your inspiration has gotten me to add a "Joke of the Day" thread over at my new Outdoor Forum .

Please check it out

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13 years 2 weeks ago - 13 years 2 weeks ago #9362 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
The latest one from a friend....LMAO.... :laugh:
BMS

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the Washington DC beltway. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

"Roughly a gallon" the man replies.
Last edit: 13 years 2 weeks ago by BUILDING MY SASS.
The following user(s) said Thank You: mlotziii

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13 years 2 weeks ago #9375 by WES213
Replied by WES213 on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
That is just Fing awesome. :)

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13 years 2 weeks ago #9378 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck? :whistle:

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: :S

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic crazy with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. :blink:

You are carrying a Colt Model 1911 45 cal. automatic pistol, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? :ohmy:


Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist
:evil:

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13 years 2 weeks ago - 13 years 2 weeks ago #9381 by NBT
Replied by NBT on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black peckers, but the one in the middle had a pink pecker.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. 'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink pecker also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery’, asked the couple?

'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
Last edit: 13 years 2 weeks ago by NBT.

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13 years 2 weeks ago #9384 by Redscout02
Replied by Redscout02 on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
LOL well our Gov. is a very colorful guy!!

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13 years 1 week ago #9413 by weels1886@gmail.com
Replied by weels1886@gmail.com on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
that's just about right. I didn't know I was quite 50 yet though.
- Weels

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12 years 6 months ago #11613 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road. One evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me."! "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it." :lol:

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12 years 6 months ago #11630 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Vegetarian: Old Indain word for bad hunter :laugh:

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12 years 6 months ago #11659 by Redscout02
Replied by Redscout02 on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Reckon I be a redneck!!

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