Joke of the Day...

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13 years 3 months ago #8671 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Tom consistently caught more fish than anyone else, whereas the other guys would only catch three or four a day. Tom would come in off the lake with a boat full. Stringer after stringer was always packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret.

The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him to observe. So the next morning the two met at the dock and took off in Tom's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Tom stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done.

Tom's approach was simple. He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up.

Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Tom. "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!"

Meanwhile, Tom set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words, "Are you going to sit there all day complaining, or are you going to fish?"

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13 years 3 months ago #8678 by Bob Downey
Replied by Bob Downey on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
These are great!
Keep'em coming.

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13 years 3 months ago #8684 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Redneck Computer Terms
Code:
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer FAX - What you lie about to the IRS HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test ROM - Where the pope lives SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear

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13 years 3 months ago #8691 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day...

mlotziii wrote: Redneck Computer Terms

Code:
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer FAX - What you lie about to the IRS HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test ROM - Where the pope lives SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear


Now that works for me... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
BMS

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13 years 3 months ago #8697 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Top 10 reasons Handguns are better then Women:

#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.
#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.
#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.
#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.
#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.
#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.
#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.
#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?
#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.
And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman...
#1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!!

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13 years 3 months ago #8700 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Please note the following public service announcement:

In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

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13 years 3 months ago - 13 years 3 months ago #8712 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day...

mlotziii wrote: Please note the following public service announcement:

In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.


I seen something on a Sign like that .....
BMS
Last edit: 13 years 3 months ago by BUILDING MY SASS.

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13 years 3 months ago - 13 years 3 months ago #8713 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Well I hope this one is ok....

""""""""WARNING....ADULT CONTENT.....""""""""

Little Johny is looking for his little red wagon...Can't find it...
He goes into his dad bathroom to look for it...
Dad is taking a shower....Dad, have you seen my Little Red Wagon....
No Johny I haven't....
Daddy...what is that down there...????
Uh....that is my Flashlight and Batteries....
OK...and Johny walks away....
A little while later...he walks into his mom's bathroom...
Mom is taking a Bath.....
Mom...Have you seen my Little Red Wagon?????
No Johny, I haven't....
Uh Mom...
Yes Johny...
What is that down there.....
Well Johny...that is my Cave....
Oh...OK....
Little Johny all of a sudden gets an idea...
He runs back to his dad....
Daddy Daddy Daddy...Can I use your FlashLight To Explore Mom's Cave,
For My Little Red Wagon........ :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :whistle:

BMS
Last edit: 13 years 3 months ago by BUILDING MY SASS.

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13 years 2 months ago - 13 years 2 months ago #8901 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some shoes (he is 66)
We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court.
I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him,
The Teen had spiked hair in all different colors...green red orange and blue.
My dad kept staring at her...
The teen kept looking and would find my dad staring every time....
When the Teenager had had enough, she Sarcastically asked:
"Whats a matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; Iknew he would have a good one!
In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid....
"Got Stoned once and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you are my KID.... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
BMS
Last edit: 13 years 2 months ago by BUILDING MY SASS.

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13 years 2 months ago #8906 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day...
Did you buy any shoes! :silly: Now what will it cost to prove it :lol: with all the DNA test, and did the parrot get any child support or alimony! I really hope it's his and not mine :laugh:

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