What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball

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11 years 7 months ago #20538 by LebbenB
What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball was created by LebbenB
In 1984, I was a young PFC in the 82nd Airborne Division. We got word that the Regimental Ball was going to be held in about a month or so. For all us young bucks, the hunt was on to find dates. A few weeks later, I met this girl at one of the local watering holes, The Cue and Ale. We got along pretty well, shared a few laughs, a few drinks and a few dances. She was also pretty easy on the eye - Brunette, blue eyes and a walk that set old men's pacemakers off. We went out a couple of times after that, though she had something of an odd work schedule that we had to work around.

With the Regimental Ball looming, and me still without a date, I asked her if she wanted to go. I was surprised when she jumped at the chance. Over dinner one night, I went over the Rules of the Mess with her explaining that there were certain things that were and weren't done at a military get together as opposed to a civilian one. She said that it was cool and she had the perfect dress for it. Having never been to her house, I asked for directions, which she readily gave me.

The evening of the Ball arrived and I giddily hopped into my Dress Greens, straightened out my bow tie (don't know why, it was a clip on after all.) and drove over to pick her up. This is where things start to go south.

First, she lived in what would generously be called a mobile home. I'm not saying that folks that live in mobile homes are bad people, but one in a state such as this? There's a word for it in law enforcement - it's called a clue. I walked up the creaking steps and knocked on the door. A couple of minutes later, my date opens the door and she's a knock-out in a long red backless dress with a neckline that plunged to almost to her navel. I thought it was a little risqué for the event. "Uh-oh," I think. "I'm probably gonna get a talking to over this one." Still, she looked smoking hot. Then she took a step forward. The dress was also slit up to her hip and on her bare leg was a tattoo and not a small one either. It was a tattoo of a dragon and it started at her hip and wound around her thigh and calf, ending just above her ankle. While tattooed girls are common today, please remember that this was 1984 and the only girls that had ink were biker babes and (it dawned on me) strippers. This was certainly not the kind of girl you brought home to mother or a military ball, for that matter.

My world is rapidly turning into liquid doo-doo at this point, "Rebecca...Where is it that you work?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Club Platinum." She answered. Now I KNOW I'm gonna get smoked for this.

I realize at this point I'm committed. I should have asked where she worked much earlier, but I didn't. I can't back out, I can only go forward. I'm in the middle of the kill zone and my only option is to empty the magazine and assault through the objective.

While I've never been on death row and had to walk the last mile, I do know what the feeling is like. That was the longest five mile drive of my life. With a growing sense of unease and impending doom, we arrive at the hotel where the Ball is being held. As we walk through the door and are shown to our table, I see my First Sergeant looking at me. He's about to go nuclear and PFC Lebben is ground zero.

After we're seated, I see 1SG Snow motioning for me. I excuse myself to go see him. He grabs me by the scruff of the neck and hauls me aside.
"What the (it sounded like "truck." or maybe "cluck) are you doing bringing a hooker to the Regimental Ball? Couldn't you find a normal date instead of a rental?"

"She's not a hooker, 1SG." I stood my ground. I was pretty happy about that.

"Then what the (insert expletive here) is she?"

"She's a...a...dancer"

He exploded. "A DANCER! Jeezus-H-Tap Dancing-Keerist!! You brought a stripper to the ball? That's nearly as bad!" he started to continue when he looked over my shoulder and the color drained from his face.

"Dear God! She's talking to the Battalion Commander's wife! Get her, Lebben...GET HER... and get her the (expletive deleted) out of here. NOW PFC Lebben, MOVE!"

So I scurry over to my date and the Battalion Commander's wife. I gently steer my date away, whisper a few sweet nothings in her ear and whisk her away to hotel room where I do my Airborne best to rub that tattoo off her thigh.

This was on a Friday night. I figured, hoped really, that the whole thing would just blow over and be written off as young paratrooper high-jinks. Such was not the case. Monday morning, I was unceremoniously rolled out of the bunk an hour before first call and told to report to the 1SG. I was in the process of being "counseled" out at the bear pit, when the CQ runner came up and told the 1SG that I was wanted at Battalion headquarters. He marched over there where my "counseling" continued for the next two hours under the watchful eye of the battalion CSM. I was sore for a week after that.

From that point forward, whenever we had an event that included wives/girlfriends, the First Sergeant made it a point to say, "...And NO HOOKERS, Lebben."

"She wasn't a hooker, First Sergeant, she was a dancer."

"Same difference. Do push ups, hammerhead."

Rebecca's stage name was "Sweet Honesty." As I was to later find out, she was neither very sweet or very honest.
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11 years 7 months ago #20551 by faawrenchbndr
Replied by faawrenchbndr on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
I "dated" a stripper for a while in the early 90's
That chick turned out to be bat shit crazy!

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11 years 7 months ago #20552 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
In my experience in those types of situations you learn more than you teach. B)

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11 years 7 months ago #20582 by Sharkey
Replied by Sharkey on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
Good story Leb. I had one hitchhike all the way from Colorado to RI to see me one last time before I caught the plane for Germany...

When she got to my home town, I decided she had to be crazy to have done such a thing and told her to go away.

She was a little miffed with me after that... :laugh:

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11 years 7 months ago #20670 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
LOL GREAT story...

Being single for 25 years more than one girls went in and out my door, God knows I loved them all, I really did, but marriage was not in my cards at that time in my life and I held most to somewhere between 6 hours and 6 wks, few made it 6 mos.

Few years back I wan senior executive with a major corp which will go unnamed. We had our annual formal 'do' and it was right before Christmas...which as most long term single guys know that is NOT the time of the year to be dating anyone for any length of time that may generate a Christmas sleep over expecting something under the tree. So I was dateless to the big 'do'.

I rubbed them all wrong anyhow when I showed up and was the ONLY guy with a Tux jacket and shirt AND Stetson, RAGGED jeans and cowboy boots...where this cowboy comes from that IS dressed up.

I hang around and make chit chat for a while, the only person there without a date of SO. So I get bored and its at a hotel in Dallas and there is no shortage of bars in walking distance. I see one, wander in anbd catch more than a few eyes. There are plenty of gals and I am think maybe a place to hang out. Well I am standing at the bar talkin to some little Mona Lisa when 2 gals come walkin in and the place got quite. Holy smoke, 2 young Vietnamese-French girls, I know what I am looking at. I walk over to that end of the bar and say Hi and tell them they are some beautiful Vietnamese-French girls and they are WOWED! (Tip: Asian girls LOVE it when you know where they are from just by looking, know the diff between Vietnam, Korea, Japan and Chinese girls and you will score 100% of the time).

The two girls are best friends and like most Asian young women they KNOW how to dress to stop trains. I ask if they want to go to a party? We do and I come walking into the ball room with one on each arm, you could have dropped a piano and not heard a thing. The guys in the room, their eyeballs were standin out on stems and I don't think there was an a guy there they did not get over to our table to be intro'd. It was a lot of fun and a fun night later on, one of the girls, she and I are still friends to this day...
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11 years 7 months ago #20674 by Siscowet
Replied by Siscowet on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
JT, Leb, and Cowboy, you guys are wasting it, this could be a very entertaining book. :twothumbs:

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11 years 7 months ago #20701 by LebbenB
Replied by LebbenB on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
My wife wants me to write all of my stories down. But honestly, I don't know where to begin.

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11 years 7 months ago #20720 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
My wife has been on me for years to write a book about my life, in fact many of my good friends want me to do it also. Even I must admit its been an interesting ride while I am far from rich or famous I have dined with Presidents and touched the lives of a lot of people as a result of the things I did. I can honestly say I changed the military for the better, and made a similar impact in civilian life. But my view is, if not I them someone else would have, I was just the right guy at the right place and time. Maybe some day I will, it will more funny than serious...

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11 years 7 months ago #20731 by jtallen83
Replied by jtallen83 on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball
Must be nice to have that support at home, my wife says she has heard enough! ;)
If I could figure out how to get paid for it I'd write all day, wait..... I do the writing part already..... any suggestions on the pay aspects would be appreciated!

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11 years 7 months ago #20757 by OleCowboy
Replied by OleCowboy on topic What NOT to Do at the Regimental Ball

jtallen83 wrote: Must be nice to have that support at home, my wife says she has heard enough! ;)
If I could figure out how to get paid for it I'd write all day, wait..... I do the writing part already..... any suggestions on the pay aspects would be appreciated!

JT you have to be GOOD, note I did not say GREAT! That said its a thin line between the two, what makes great is content that catches the attention of the national pubs.

I follow 3 rules:
1) ACCURACY: To be accurate is paramount. Unless you have a staff then all research is done by YOU. TIP: Find a fact, make sure you find it twice or more. Reagan said it best: "trust, but VERIFY" so if you find a fact that supports your premise, then you need another LEGIT source, let me say that again, ANOTHER LEGIT source in order to collaborate. NOTE. If you are writing OpEds then you do not have space for references. So your facts must stand on there own because you can BET some guy like me will research it and call you on it and that can prove very embarrassing and insure a short lived writing opportunity.

2) TIMELINESS: Talking about record Jan snowfall in July is not timely. Pick subjects that are on the lips of news shows and in your subject field work on spotting the emerging stories before they get big.

3) RELEVANCY: Does it apply to you intended audience. If your readers are in their 20, a accurate and timely story on Medicare will not be read.

These are the rules I follow, other may give different advice. I just try to write a good article, no more, no less, not looking to be picked up by the NY Times or Wash Post or a Pulitzer, too old to care.

Look at others style of writing and don't copy but if you like someones can you write in that same style and not be outside your thinking box. Use others style as an INFLUENCE but always write in your style or it will show you are not writing from your heart and mind.

I teach a writing course a couple of times a year and have found most folks lack the ability to write and convey what they wanted. In fact many never state the objective and it becomes a rambling mess.

Want to learn to how to write, go to Army Knowledge on line and find their correspondence course and the manual on how to write and you will learn a lot.
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