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Joke of the Day

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12 years 9 months ago #10368 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Who said he is incompetent and hasn't done anything?

An impressive list of accomplishments!

First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.

First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.

First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States .

First President to violate the War Powers Act.

First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico .

First President to defy a Federal Judge’s court order to cease implementing the Health Care Reform Law.

First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.

First President to spend a trillion dollars on ‘shovel-ready’ jobs when there was no such thing as ‘shovel-ready’ jobs.

First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters.

First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.

First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S. ,
including those with criminal convictions.

First President to demand a company hand-over $20 billion to one of his political appointees.

First President to terminate America ’s ability to put a man in space.

First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.

First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.

First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke-out on the reasons for their rate increases.

First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which State they are allowed to locate a factory.

First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).

First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.

First President to fire an inspector general of Ameri-corps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.

First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.

First President to golf 73 separate times in his first two and a half years in office, 90 to date.

First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records.

First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.

First President to go on multiple global ‘apology tours’.

First President to go on 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends;
paid for by the taxpayer.

First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.

First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.

First President to repeat the Holy Qur'and tells us the early morning call of the Azan (Islamic call to worship) is the most beautiful sound on earth.

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12 years 9 months ago #10415 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and the French usually lost, the French just happened to capture a British Major. An officer brought the Major to the French general for interrogation. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The French general said, "Why to you wear that red uniform, it makes it easy for us to shoot you." The British major replied, "If I do get wounded, the blood will not show, and my soldiers will not get scared." The French general said, "That is a very good idea," The Frenchy turned to his orderly and said, "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants."

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12 years 9 months ago #10453 by 13fcolt
Replied by 13fcolt on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Here is one for you bowtie fruit cups.

Way back when I was working construction out west, I scored an '86 F350 crew cab dually. Perfect work truck and sorely missed. Naturally, The first time I drove up on the job site, everyone was all "wow nice truck", yadda, yadda, yadda. Then one of the messican guys Immediately started in with, "yo, homes, sell me your ford". Even after explaining I just got it and was not interested in selling it, he went on and on, every day, "that's a nice ford bro, sell me your ford", 'what you got into it?, I'll pay fair". This went on all week long.

Over the weekend while I was out picking up parts for the new truck I drove past a 4 door gmc 3500 for sale. Looked straight, so I wrote down the number thinking this might get the guy off my back about my truck. Monday, I told him about the truck I found. No shit, He looked at me like I said I want to knock up your sister and skip town. Then he proceeds to tell me as if explaining to a child, why you always see mexicans packed in old ford trucks..."homes, My old man made 35,000 luminas and still don't know how to weld. Whatya want for your ford"?
The whole damn jobsite exploded in laughter.

true story.

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12 years 8 months ago #10911 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A young boy came to Sunday School late.

His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?

The boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."

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12 years 8 months ago #10963 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
I think the saying goes, "Don't turn your back on a bear"

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12 years 7 months ago #11014 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
The old Indian chief sat in his home on the reservation, smoking his ceremonial pipe, eyeing the two U.S. government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," one official began, "you have observed the white man for many years. You have seen all his progress and all his problems." The chief nodded. The official continued, "What do you think of all the white man has done?"

The chief stared at the officials for more than a minute, and then calmly replied. "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo, plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time." The chief paused, then added, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

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12 years 7 months ago #11185 by txlongshotb4
Replied by txlongshotb4 on topic Re: Joke of the Day
An Army First Sergeant is walking down a sidewalk on post when he passes a new Lieutenant without saluting. The L.T. turns to him and says "Hey there First Sergeant...do you know how to salute an officer?" The First Sergeant replies " I do sir, but I don't have time to teach you right now."

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12 years 7 months ago #11310 by STEWBUD
Replied by STEWBUD on topic Re: Joke of the Day
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself?

The best answer:




My personal favorite defense gun has always been a Beretta Jetfire in 22 short. I have carried it for many years including while hiking. I never leave without it in my pocket.

Of course the first rule when hiking in the wilderness is to use the "Buddy System". This it means you NEVER hike alone, you bring a friend, companion, or family member because if something happens there is someone to go get help.

I remember one time while hiking with my girlfriend in northern Alberta out of nowhere came this huge brown bear charging us and was she mad. We must have been near one of her cubs.

Anyway, if I had not had my little Jetfire I would not be here today.
Just one shot to my girlfriend’s knee cap was all it took . . . . . the bear got her and I was able to escape by just walking at a brisk pace.

That's one of the best pistols in my collection...

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12 years 7 months ago #11316 by jtallen83
Replied by jtallen83 on topic Re: Joke of the Day
You woke up my wife with my laughing! :)

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