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Joke of the Day

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12 years 10 months ago #9761 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Here's another one :woohoo:

A hunter has called 911.

Dispatcher:911 what is your emergency?

Hunter:I...I think my friend is dead! He just plopped down and died!

Dispatcher:Sir please calm down first make sure he is dead.

Hunter:Okay hold on.

Dispatcher: Hears two shots in the back round!

Hunter:Okay now what? :lol:

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12 years 10 months ago #9786 by Charlie
Replied by Charlie on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A lady notices that her Schnauzer has stopped obeying her when she speaks to it, so she takes it to the vet. She tells the vet, "I think my dog is going deaf. It's as if he can't hear me."

After examining the dog, the vet returns and tells the lady, "I've got good news. Your dog isn't going deaf...It's just that Schnauzers have coarse hair that sometimes builds up and plugs their ears. I cut most of the hair out, but I'm going to give you a prescription for a depilatory. It's the active ingredient in hair removal cream. Any pharmacy should have it. Swab a bit in the dog's ears for a few days and he'll be fine."

The lady takes the prescription to a pharmacist. He gives her a small bottle and says, "Now this stuff is highly concentrated....If it's for your legs, dilute it 2 parts water to 1 part depilatory. If it's for your underarms, dilute it 5 to 1."

The lady says, "No,no, no... You don't understand: It's for my SCHNAUZER!"

The pharmacist says, "In that case, dilute it 10 to 1 and don't ride a bike for a couple of weeks."

Charlie

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12 years 10 months ago #9832 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Winter Storm Warning
Just talked to a guy on the ham radio living in northern Minnesota near the
Canadian border... He said that since early this morning the snow is nearly
waist high and is still falling...

The temperature is dropping and is at about 15 degrees and the north wind is
increasing to near gale force... His wife has done nothing but look through
the kitchen window and just stare.

He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

Woops wrong topic sorry :P
The following user(s) said Thank You: mlotziii

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12 years 10 months ago #9839 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Winter Storm Warning
This was funny!

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12 years 10 months ago #9850 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day

Akai wrote: Here's another one :woohoo:

A hunter has called 911.

Dispatcher:911 what is your emergency?

Hunter:I...I think my friend is dead! He just plopped down and died!

Dispatcher:Sir please calm down first make sure he is dead.

Hunter:Okay hold on.

Dispatcher: Hears two shots in the back round!

Hunter:Okay now what? :lol:



Now that would be a NORMAL type *911* call...LOL
BMS

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12 years 10 months ago #9851 by BUILDING MY SASS
Replied by BUILDING MY SASS on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Here is my addition for the day...

Alaska (where life is tough and humor is dark): The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers."We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper. "Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first." The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."


"Oh no!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "and What's the good news?" The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had a dozen 25 pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"


The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Via FoxHunter....
BMS

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12 years 10 months ago #9862 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
USMC Rules For Gun Fighting • Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.
• Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

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12 years 10 months ago #9885 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Gun owner's prayer....
"Oh Lord, if I die, please don't let my wife sell my guns for what I told her they cost."

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12 years 10 months ago #9895 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
"""""""WARNING""""""LANGUAGE""""""AND or POLITICAL VIEWS...."""""""

I was in the Army and this is how Sarge handled some situations!

"It ain't personal boy. Nothing contained herein is intended is to offend the immature, retarded, hyper-sensitive, emotionally/hormonally unstable, or otherwise easily-offended. But if it does- don't cry to me. I don't care."
"Sarge"

I've adopted as a personal quote and if you don't get it! I don't care!

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12 years 9 months ago #10175 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Not really a joke or is it?

Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box and the cartridge box.

Es mejor morir a pie que vivir arrodillado

Our founders would be shooting by now! B)

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