Police humor

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11 years 11 months ago #22407 by mrraley
Police humor was created by mrraley
A police officer stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo!

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation.

The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket.

He then hands it to the 'violator' for his signature.

The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole!"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross examination the defence attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile?"

"Yes, Sir.”

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."
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11 years 11 months ago - 11 years 11 months ago #22408 by Sharkey
Replied by Sharkey on topic Police humor
A guy appears at the pearly gates and St Peter opens up the book to see what he's done wrong.

He says "I see you cheated on your wife once John, how do you feel about that?"

John says "oh St Peter, I felt so horrible I confessed it all to my wife. We went to counseling and I spent years making up for it and it never happened again as I'm sure you can see".

St Peter said, "yes John, I see all that." and went on "Well, I don't see anything else in here that could keep you from entering but I need to ask you first, is there anything we may have missed?"

"Well St Peter, I did have a few beers and pissed on a RI State Trooper's boots once"

St Peter said "wow, I can't believe that's not in here. When did THIS happen".

John said "Oh, about 5 minutes ago which is of course, why we are talking"... :laugh:
Last edit: 11 years 11 months ago by Sharkey.
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11 years 11 months ago #22479 by Dabu
Replied by Dabu on topic Police humor
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11 years 11 months ago #22493 by mrraley
Replied by mrraley on topic Police humor
Another revised Miranda warning:

You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________

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11 years 11 months ago #22509 by Sharkey
Replied by Sharkey on topic Police humor
When I was in uniform, I always warned my mother to be VEEEEEERY careful because I was absolutely DYING to give her a ticket...

She looked at me and said "you wouldn't DARE" and I told her "I most certainly would Mom".

"Think about it, we live in Rhode Island - imagine if I could pull someone over and have them say "Do you have any idea who I am? and then I could say "pal, I wrote my own MOTHER a ticket, do you really think it matters to me?"

My mother agreed that it was a HECK of a good idea but still told me I wouldn't be invited for Easter dinner if I did it... :laugh:

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