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Joke of the Day

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12 years 11 months ago #9223 by Akai
Joke of the Day was created by Akai
Obama and GoldQuote

During his vacation at Martha's Vineyard - President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole.

He asks his Scottish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies, "Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver. "

The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says, "Noo, the other end."
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

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12 years 11 months ago #9224 by Redscout02
Replied by Redscout02 on topic Re: Joke of the Day
LOL now that was funny!!!

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12 years 11 months ago #9268 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff's Department is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?"
"That's the attitude we want," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

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12 years 11 months ago #9280 by Charlie
Replied by Charlie on topic Re: Joke of the Day
I took my dad shopping for shoes the other day (he is 66). Then we decided to grab a bite at the food court, and I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teen had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue - and my dad kept staring at her. Every time she looked up she would find my dad staring at her. She finally had enough, and sarcastically asked; "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

In classic style he responded ... "Got stoned one time and had sex with a parrot. I was wondering if you might be my kid."

Charlie

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12 years 11 months ago #9281 by Redscout02
Replied by Redscout02 on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston,TX. He decides to have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer...

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please.'The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket...
If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

God Bless Texas ........

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12 years 11 months ago #9306 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Wonder if that was the same one that got hired for not wanting to shoot the innocent rabbit :laugh: Maybe this should be the Texas joke of the day :woohoo:

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12 years 10 months ago #9633 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
Some camping humor:

The loaded mini-van pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters’ father, “That, sir, is some display of teamwork.”

The father replied, “I have a system — no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.”

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12 years 10 months ago #9635 by Charlie
Replied by Charlie on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A friend sent me this one. I nearly put him in the spam folder until I read the last line.
_________________________________________________________________________

As the New Year party season approaches, please be safe and take a cab...or bus

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice merlot. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

_________________________________________________________________

He didn't go in the spam folder, but it was a near thing ;) .

Charlie

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12 years 10 months ago - 12 years 10 months ago #9678 by mlotziii
Replied by mlotziii on topic Re: Joke of the Day
A French rifle is for sale on e-bay. It's never been fired but I heard it's been dropped once.
Last edit: 12 years 10 months ago by mlotziii.

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12 years 10 months ago #9738 by Akai
Replied by Akai on topic Re: Joke of the Day
:evil: Reporter: Ummm...Staff Seargent?
Marine: Yes?
Reporter: What's the first thing you feel after taking out the enemy?
Marine: RECOIL.. :lol:

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